My coven sister RD gifted me a really lovely book on grief: “Grief Day by Day: simple practices and daily guidance for living with loss” It hit me right in the feels, which is you know, good and bad and good, so I highly recommend it.

The very first a quote was from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ it the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but your will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”

The second was a reminder that ‘[g]rief is wild and messy and unpredictable” and that even Kubler-Ross didnt mean for her Stages of Grief to be an order of operations.

UGH.

I want this to be ordered and neat and have a certificate at the end! and in response to all of *waves hands around* everything I want to eat all the things.

Today I was able to remind myself that no perfect book, perfect process, no perfect food or anything will bring Dad back.

That hurts alot.